My Story

Welcome to my first post in my Spiritual journey!  This is very exciting for me. I never thought that this day would come that I would be well enough to share. Sharing my story is part of the therapy that an abuse victim does. When I am totally healed then I will not have a desire to share it as much.  But I will always have a great need to help others no matter what they have been through.

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This sweet broken teacup was given to me from a friend that owns my favorite thrift shop. Lost and Found. I don’t think that she realized the link that this teacup and I would have. The little old teacup is so beautiful and very fragile, just like my spirit was broken and chipped . For a very long time I felt like I was missing a big piece of my spirit. It had been broken off after many years of Narcissistic abuse.

I was married to a man with this personality disorder for over 35 years.  The sad thing about a Narcissist is that they have had a lot of trauma in their own lives. Being a Sensitive and an Empath made it very difficult for me because I feel so deeply.  I had fallen deeply in love with this man. He was funny, handsome, intelligent and very charismatic, which is very common for a Narcissus. I knew that through my love I could help heal him.

The initial narcissistic abuse begins with belittling comments and grows to contempt, ignoring behavior, adultery or cheating, sabotage, and, at times, physical abuse. At the core of a narcissist is a combination of entitlement and low self-esteem. These feelings of inadequacy are projected onto the victim.

After we were married, even through our dating days he would emotional hurt my feelings often. But because love is blind I allowed it and more often than not I took the blame for everything.  After a few years my soul didn’t hurt so bad.  I was putting up blocks and telling myself that I could handle this and that I was here to help him.  It got to the point where I would forgive him just before he would hurt me again. That’s when my psychic abilities would come in. I knew when it would happen so I was prepared to handle it ahead of time.

To be the target of a severe narcissist was for me a feeling of shame, fear, jitters, lack of trust, and an ever-present guardedness that sweep through me and trammelled my identity and worldview.  The transformation of a hopeful, can-do enthusiast turned into a dismal, way withdrawn spirit, it is a form of soul murder.

But to those violated take heart. Understanding the complexities of what and who you are dealing with might make you feel better.  Just naming it brings relief. I didn’t have this I had no idea what I was up against. But I had faith and I knew that my Father in Heaven would not leave me alone (visits from Angels)  So with much prayer and faith I stuck with him through the good and the bad and I was given much strength.

I know now that this man was here playing a part in my life that I ask him to before I came to earth and this was something that I was to learn from as well as he was. This may sound funny but he is my soulmate. We can have several in our life time.

Do you think that you are living with a Narcissist? or Are you a Narcissist?

Helpful Words for the Severe Narcissist: I wish that I had this information years ago, but maybe if I had I would not have stayed in the relationship and consequently not learned what I needed to learn from it, I feel that I am a much wiser, stronger and totally changed women now.

Narcissism can be protective in the sense that you do not feel that badly if you offend another. Narcissism can be pleasantly deceptive. When criticized, you can tell yourself and others, “It is them—not me.” Deflect, project, externalize and feel relieved of the problem. If you manage to convince relevant parties (plus yourself) that your offense was justified, non-existent or that you were the victim rather than the perpetrator, you escape responsibility. If you turn your envy into arrogance, you no longer have to feel inferior. In the short run, that works pretty well. In the long run, a trail of deception can lead to trouble. If you are caught and confronted, painful consequences can ensue. Being revealed or to having to deal with the truth is very upsetting for you.

An unpleasant moment might arise if you rage against someone who criticizes or exposes you, but you will probably bounce back quickly. Since your conscience isn’t too troubled, moving on and into social situations with upright shoulders and a smile is no problem. Narcissism feeds self-esteem in that denial covers up (suppresses) limitations so they are not in your face. You do not have to feel weakened by them or make the tiresome effort to change. Inflated self-esteem keeps you psychologically intact, organized and safe. If others are attracted to your strut and charisma, you can breeze through life with a facile ease.

But there is a problem. True narcissism is a defective solution. It is a flawed defense, an unsound shield. Believing that you are better than you are leads to hard falls if you are put to the test. If you are cocksure about your skills you may not take the time to actually develop them. The requisite healthy worry that leads to persistence, attention to detail, stubborn grit and solid ability eludes you. When you claim credit for something you did not do, people pick up on it and it disturbs them. This can compromise your success, as you are not seen as trustworthy.

Charming others in superficial or infrequent encounters is a piece of cake but close or intimate relationships are a problem. If your self-concerns are paramount, there may not be room for anyone else’s. You may destroy important relationships because your lack of empathy, compassion and concern wears people out. Your unwillingness to own up and apologize alienates others and you are seen as someone without integrity. You become tainted, rather than respected, which is troubling for a person who cares deeply about image.

As you do not see dangers as dangerous, you take risks that set you up for payback. Consequences you never expected—loss, abandonment, debt, legal trouble and ultimate loneliness might become your lot and a situation that your high-honed tactics cannot undo. At a certain point you cannot brush it off or continue the ruse.

Therapeutic, spiritual, community, or educational interventions can help you. Start with a self-inventory, achieve insight, break out of the script, say “I’m sorry.” Humility can actually feel good. Enjoy the hope that when you change, some meaningful connections may come your way. 

For more information on this try Psychology Today.

Putting a name to this type of personality disorder was very helpful to me. But it took 40 years to do so!  I don’t want this to happen to you, that’s why I am sharing my journey.  I am not saying to get out of your relationship unless that is your conscious decision but mainly for you to find help for you and the abuser. 

Because of all that I have been through my I spiritual gifts are sharpened and now I am able to use them to help others.  This is what I want to concentrate on, the healing part. What has been helpful to me to heal. 

I would love to hear your story and answer your questions. Please feel free to email me and please live comments below. I will always answer them back.

Stay tuned in for more of my life’s spiritual journey.

Love and lots of hugs! 

Joanne 

I will be at these amazing parties this week, come and join me!

Monday

Amaze Me Monday @ Dwellings-the heart of our home

The art of Homemaking Mondays @ Strangers and Pilgrims

Tuesday

Let’s talk Vintage @ Bella Rosa Antiques

Wednesday

Waste Not Wednesday @ Gratefully Vintage

Thursday

Share Your Cup Thursday @ Have a Cup with Mrs. Olson

Share your Style @ The Essence of Home

Blog Hop @ Katherine’s Corner

Friday

Home Sweet Home Party @ The Charm of home

Shabbilicious Friday @ Shabby Art Boutique

Feathered Nest Friday @ French Country Cottage

Saturday

Pretty Pintastic Party @ Seeking Lavender Lane

Upcycled Linky Party @ Funky Junk

Best of the Weekend @ Ms. Toody Goo Shoes

Snickerdoodle Linky Party @ Blue Willow House

2 thoughts on “My Story

  1. Jo, thanks for sharing your story with us at SyC. You have been through so much, and have managed to come out of it an amazing woman! Strong, and willing to help others! thanks for sharing with SYC.
    hugs,
    Jann

    Like

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